Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/12/14

Sick days. They have the advantage of giving a lot of relaxation time except for a small detail: you take sick days because you feel like shit. And what better day to feel like shit? Wednesday of course. I do hope my legs and back feel better tonight because I am NOT missing my Devin Townsend concert! Anywho... welcome to the return installment of the Wednesdays of Fail! This week's entry comes from Afandi of Paradise Delivery. The kill happened in Hi-sec so it was the result of a wardec, a duel, a can-flip... I don't know which because I don't have that detail. Maybe Afandi can give a small AAR in the comments. In any case, his Myrmidon was locked in battle with this Curse, and the Myrm prevailed to reveal this:

[Curse, Jhaelen's Curse]
Armor EM Hardener II
Emergency Damage Control I
Imperial Navy Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane
Medium Inefficient Armor Repair Unit

Balmer Series Tracking Disruptor I
Balmer Series Tracking Disruptor I
Cap Recharger II
Y-S8 Hydrocarbon I Afterburners
ECM - White Noise Generator II
ECM - Phase Inverter II

Medium Unstable Power Fluctuator I
Medium Unstable Power Fluctuator I
Medium Diminishing Power System Drain I
Medium Diminishing Power System Drain I
Drone Link Augmentor I

Hammerhead II x5
Warrior II x10

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=14415228

Mmm... at first I didn't think there was that much fail about this Curse. The high slots are boasting the best-named cap-sucking equipement, it's not dual tanked... oh but what do I see there? A mix of expensive and uber cheap modules? Come on, this is a recon... splurge a bit! And then there are the T2 ECM modules. WTF is this, a Rook?! The tracking disruptors are both pricey and effective but I'm not sure if two are required. But the big one: no rigs? Seriously? In this day and age where a rig isn't the price of an entire ship anymore?! Dude !!! This is where this Curse failed, trying a little too hard to do a little too much.

Mr. Afandi, for your glorious victory over this interestingly fit Curse you will be receiving 177,633 ISK for the Drone Link Augmentor I. My reason for this is that I've never seen this module fitted on a Curse.

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesday of Fail - 2011/11/30

The morning after. Usually this means unbelievable amounts of coffee, gallons of Gatorade and crates of Advil to cope with drowsiness, dehydration and searing headaches resulting from the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol. But in our case the morning after means day-dreaming of last night's trip to a revamped New Eden full of nebulas, shiny new ships, and sleek engine trails! And because the morning after happens to fall on a Wednesday... welcome to another installment of the Wednesdays of Fail! This week's entry comes from my good friend and ex-corpmate Havegun Willtravel of Mobile Alcohol Processing Units. Unlike his first entry which was given straight to me to start my Fail Mail bank, this one was submitted in the traditional way and Gun had to wait in line like anybody else, to have his link appear on my pages. Although Gun himself does not show up on the killmail, we do know the perpetrators of the kill quite well so I'm sure they won't mind if it's Gun getting the ISK :) So the Basgerin Pirates were roaming away from their tiny constellation hoping to catch something tasty, and guess what, they did:

[Curse, Orrery Laicism's Curse]
Brokara's Modified Power Diagnostic System
Brokara's Modified Power Diagnostic System
Raysere's Modified Power Diagnostic System
Selynne's Modified Power Diagnostic System

Caldari Navy Large Shield Extender
Large Shield Extender II
Large Shield Extender II
Dread Guristas Invulnerability Field
Heat Dissipation Field II
Photon Scattering Field II

Dark Blood Focused Medium Pulse Laser, Imperial Navy Multifrequency M
Dark Blood Focused Medium Pulse Laser, Imperial Navy Multifrequency M
Corpum A-Type Medium Nosferatu
Corpum A-Type Medium Nosferatu
Corpum A-Type Medium Nosferatu

Medium Drone Durability Enhancer II
Medium Drone Speed Augmentor II

Hammerhead I x5
Hornet I x1
Infiltrator I x2
Wasp I x1

http://www.basgerin-pirate.com/kb3/index.php?a=kill_detail&kll_id=11524

People with more ISK than sense... always a great source of hilarity! First of all, let's put this Curse's cost in perspective: with the value as indicated on the Basgerin killboard, this ship could pay for OVER HALF A YEAR of game time. And this thing undock and died. Let's look at it from the ground up. The rigs are... interesting to say the least. I've seen all kinds of Curse fits but none of them with drone rigs, let alone T2 rigs. Next up, Holy Officer Mods Batman !!! Should I tell this guy that 3 PDS II and a Damage Control II would have resulted in a better tank? Nah, I won't tell him because this guy simply can't learn! On to the mids, this is slightly more down to earth (!) but 2 things are clearly lacking: propulsion and tracking disruption. Oh well, it's tanky! But the highs... damn those high slots hurt! Not only are they ridiculously expensive, but I simply don't see how this boat can need so much cap! Oh well, the power of turning GTC's into PLEX at work :))

Havegun Willtravel, for taking a page off of our long time enemies' book, you will be getting (fuck me.... what's the cheapest thing here.....) 85,000 ISK for the full flight of Hammerhead I's that somehow managed to survive this encounter. And props to A Lunchbox for killing this over-priced abomination :))

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesday of Fail - 2011/11/23

You know it's been a shitty day at work when various co-workers get into various scraps with the boss for various reasons, when a co-worker has to meet the HR agent because of the complete ineptitude of yet another co-worker, and when YET ANOTHER co-worker stays barricaded in her office because her ex-boyfriend is a complete and utter douchebag. All this means only one thing, it's a Wednesday. But what better way to turn the shitty tide than with another installment of the Wednesdays of Fail! This week's entry was submitted by Naoru Kozan of The Tuskers. He and his mateys were out in Essence Low-sec space doing their Yarrrin' thing when they found a Gila to tackle who was ratting belts in numerical order; yeah, that's pretty safe right?. Having an ex-corpmate who has an on-going love affair with the Gurista cruiser, I know how nasty and effective this ship can be, except for one thing... I would bet my mom that my buddy Felix does not fit it like this:

[Gila, Socratic's Gila]

Warp Core Stabilizer II

Warp Core Stabilizer II

Warp Core Stabilizer II

Warp Core Stabilizer II

Large Shield Extender II

Large Shield Extender II

Large Shield Extender II

Large Shield Extender II

Heat Dissipation Amplifier II

Magnetic Scattering Amplifier II

Small Diminishing Power System Drain I

Rocket Launcher II, Caldari Navy Gremlin Rocket

Heavy Assault Missile Launcher II, Caldari Navy Torrent Assault Missile

Heavy Assault Missile Launcher II, Caldari Navy Torrent Assault Missile

[empty high slot]

Medium Core Defence Field Purger II

Medium Core Defence Field Purger II

Medium Core Defence Field Purger II

Ogre II x7

Ogre II x4

http://tuskers.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=11108821

And to think I was amazed last week when the victim was sporting a single T2 warp core stabilizer, this guy has to sport 4 of 'em and yet died to 3 frigates. I'm pretty sure that one more and he would've gotten away! But I passed on the rigs... mmm'yeah, the shield recharge rate must be working good, especially at such a ridiculous price. The mids are nice and tanky but apparently they don't do anything else. The high slots... I'm sure something better can be done, but I'm no pro at Gila fitting. But two things tickle me: first is the ton of drones that were left in the ship, but this being a drone boat it was bound to happen. No, the thing that really hits me is that even with the benefit of "All level V" skills, all this doesn't fit on the CPU level, and I mean REALLY doesn't fit: EFT shows 486.75/437.5. Yeah, something had to be offline, and not just the small NOS. Which was superfluous anyway because even before putting it on the fit was 100% cap stable! So all in all, a pretty weird and funky fit all around!

Naoru Kozan, you sir will be receiving 612,960 ISK, your killboard's value for the Small Diminishing Power System Drain I. The reason: I have no fucking clue what it was doing fitted on this ship! Gratz dude and keep terrorizing Hevrice and its surroundings :)

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesday of Fail - 2011/11/16

Wednesday. Also known as Hump Day. The day where you're already sick of being at work but you're still far from the weekend. I hate Wednesdays. I've had a lot of bad shit happen to me on Wednesdays, and I even predict that whenever a stray rock, an invasion fleet, a black hole, or a Vogon spaceway builder ship will hit planet Terra, it will be on a Wednesday! But at least now I'm comfortably chilling at home with an awesome Unibroue beer and writing the blog post that makes everyone on the planet forget that Hump Day just happened, and that we're already this little closer to the weekend :) Welcome to this new installment of the Wednesday of Fail! This week's Fail Mail comes from Efraya of Deep-Space Co-op Ltd. They were looking for stuff to shoot at in W-space when they happened upon someone sucking gas clouds. Yes, this is standard industrial shit to do in W-space, except when you do it in this:

[Scorpion Navy Issue, Mentozawr's Scorpion Navy Issue]
Co-Processor II
Damage Control II
Inertia Stabilizers II
Warp Core Stabilizer II

Pithum C-Type Magnetic Scattering Amplifier
Pithum C-Type Kinetic Deflection Amplifier
Pithum A-Type Kinetic Deflection Amplifier
Heat Dissipation Amplifier II
Explosion Dampening Amplifier II
Invulnerability Field II
Invulnerability Field II
Large Shield Extender II

Large Shield Transporter I
Large Remote Armor Repair System I
Gas Cloud Harvester I
Gas Cloud Harvester I
Gas Cloud Harvester I
Gas Cloud Harvester I
[empty high slot]

Large Core Defence Field Purger I
Large Core Defence Field Purger I
Large Core Defence Field Purger I


http://deep.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=11436684

OOOOKAAAAYYYY! First things first: you're using a what to do what?! I know some pretty advanced (read 100m+ SP) players that are gouging their eyes out with rusty spoons right now! But this is only the beginning. The rig slots seem alright, Caldari being shield-regen-happy so Purger seem fine. The fun starts in the lows. Over the years of this blog being active I've been pretty vocal on the uselessness of Warp Core Stabs, but to not only use one but use the TECH TWO ?!?! Yeah this Fail Mail is getting fun! The mid slots now... ridiculous amounts of ISK aside, this is a nasty tank! But yeah, ridiculous ISK is ridiculous. And now moving on to the highs... was this the corp's main repping boat? At a price like this, couldn't they get a carrier in their little hidy-hole?! And even if you can't bring one into the hole, you can build one there. And this very nice ship was being used to suck gas clouds, a job that a Myrmidon can do, and probably better because it can align and GTFO a lot faster than a battleship! So please don't use all that ISK to suck a few gas clouds; buy a Myrm and just send 500m ISK to me :)))

Efraya, for landing on this most awesome Dyson vacuum cleaner prototype, you will be receiving 624,990 ISK, your killboard's value for the Heat Dissipation Amplifier II. The reason: because Mr Mentozawr was very confident in his deadspace shield tank, but it ultimately failed him:)

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesday of Fail - 2011/11/09

Ah yes, it is finally time to go back to normality, and what says normality better than an institution. A tradition even. Welcome to the next installment of the Wednesdays of Fail! This week is kind of special because for the first time, at least that I've heard of, the person who submitted the Fail Mail made it clear to me that he wish to remain anonymous because the player who lost the ship in this particular piece of hilarity is a member of his own alliance, and apparently also a repeat offender... and after clicking the link I hope and pray that Max1mus Dec1mus will not remain an alliance-mate due to his desecration of one of my favorite ships:

[Hurricane, Max1mus Dec1mus's Cane]
200mm Reinforced Steel Plates II
100mm Reinforced Crystalline Carbonide Plates I
400mm Reinforced Rolled Tungsten Plates I
200mm Reinforced Steel Plates II
Gyrostabilizer I
Gyrostabilizer I

Y-T8 Overcharged Hydrocarbon I Microwarpdrive
Invulnerability Field II
[empty med slot]
[empty med slot]

650mm Artillery Cannon I, EMP M
650mm Artillery Cannon I, EMP M
150mm Railgun I, Antimatter Charge S
150mm Railgun I, Antimatter Charge S
150mm Railgun I, Antimatter Charge S
'Malkuth' Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I, Torrent Assault Missile
'Malkuth' Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I, Torrent Assault Missile
'Malkuth' Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I, Torrent Assault Missile

Hammerhead I x2
Hobgoblin I x2

http://imperiallegion.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=10828309

Damnit! It's been a few weeks since this abheration has seared my eyes and now to post this I had to not only click the killboard link again, but I also had to fit the thing in EFT. I need a new appointment with my ophtalmologist now. Fuck! Alright, let's try to be objective about this: here we have someone who clearly has an addiction to armor buffer tanks. In case you didn't know and in the interest of n00blet education, this is not how to do it. Next, a Y-T8 microwarpdrive is fine on a Cane, but a shield hardener on top of the "armor" tank? Huh... no. And the high slots... I've had this Fail Mail for over 3 weeks now and I still don't get what MaxDec was going for. Care to explain bro? Hey this gives me an idea: if anyone sees his/her own killmail posted here and has the balls to go public as to why one would fit a ship like they did, I will match the ISK prize that the submitter got! The more funny stuff, the better :))

Mr Anonymous Fail Mail Sender, for putting your own alliance-mate on the Pedestal of Fail, you will be receiving 200,050 ISK which is the value of one of the 200mm T2 plates; I mean face it, how often do you see anyone fit a T2 plate ?!

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesday of Fail hiatus

Due to Real Life being a complete bitch (read the previous blog post), the Fail Mail will take a break this week and come back stronger next week.

I'll be posting a musical salute to my friend on Friday.

Fly hard

o7

Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/10/26

Finally home. My Internet is free to go where I want it to go. My browser isn't 5 years outdated. And I even have a big-ass steak in front of me. That's right boys and girls, It's finally time to post this week's Wednesday of Fail! This week entry comes from... someone who forgot to give his in-game name, from The Illuminati (please contact me again if you want some ISK!). A corpmate of his was flying around in the depths of Omist and he came across a stealth bomber. I don't know how the bomber failed his cloaking maneuver but he obviously did because ovenproofjet's Vagabond caught it and blew it to bits. But this was far from a regular stealth bomber:

[Manticore, maddeb's Manticore]
Expanded Cargohold II
Beta Reactor Control: Capacitor Power Relay I

1MN MicroWarpdrive I
[empty med slot]
[empty med slot]
[empty med slot]

Covert Ops Cloaking Device II
[empty high slot]
[empty high slot]
[empty high slot]
[empty high slot]

[empty rig slot]
[empty rig slot]

[obscene amount of BP's in cargo]


http://illuminatii.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=10815765

Ain't she a beauty? Even if all those blueprints turned out to be all BPC it would still make me laugh until I spilled my bladder all over my shorts! I have no clue as to what people think when they try to move a crap ton of blueprints in a barely fit ship that's clearly not made for the job. Hell, a T1 frigate fit for uber speed and agility would have done a better job. And if you live in the butt-end of the universe, don't you have access to buddies with jump capable ships? You're in OMIST for crying out! Oh well... not only did you teach yourself a hard lesson, but you also taught it to all my readers :))

Mr. Quincy, once you give me your in-game name you will be receiving some ISK. Because there is no reason for this mod to be fitted, you will be receiving 300,100 ISK which is the value of the Beta Reactor CPR. Make sure you give half of it to your corpmate who caught it :))

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/10/19

At last, here I am, home with a modern (OK, slightly old) computer with an up to date browser, and without the KGB and the Gestapo blocking my every attempt to go on a website about gaming, even if they fail at keeping me from Facebook. Yeah, City of Montreal administration and Technology mix just about as well as EVE and Kids! And yes it's that time of the week, the Wednesday of Fail! This week's entry is quite a looker, coming from Randunip of Steel Talon Initiative corp. I don't know how people cane fail-fit the Hurricane so much, it's such a perfect ship when fit right... anyway, make sure you put down that sandwich you're eating and that you've gulped down that swig of beer before looking at this thing because I don't want to be held responsible for any deaths by suffocation; at least make sure someone is nearby ready to apply the Heimlich Maneuver. Ready? Here goes:

[Hurricane, Krammski's Hurricane]
Muon Coil Bolt Array I
Warp Core Stabilizer I
Cross-Lateral Gyrostabilizer I
Expanded Cargohold II
Small Armor Repairer I
Overdrive Injector System I

Medium Shield Booster II
Warp Scrambler I
10MN MicroWarpdrive I
'Langour' Drive Disruptor I

250mm Light Artillery Cannon I, EMP S
250mm Light Artillery Cannon I, EMP S
'Malkuth' Standard Missile Launcher I, Sabretooth Light Missile
'Malkuth' Standard Missile Launcher I, Sabretooth Light Missile
Salvager I
250mm Light Artillery Cannon I, EMP S
280mm Howitzer Artillery I, EMP S
'Malkuth' Standard Missile Launcher I, Sabretooth Light Missile

Hammerhead I x3

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=12290722

Told you it would hurt. This thing fails on so many levels I barely know where to start! Let's begin with the location of this kill... ah, W-space! I kind of miss it sometimes, but I digress. Now what is usually commonplace on a ship flying in W-space? A probe launcher of course... but it's kinda hard to use it when it's in the CARGO HOLD! This probe launcher was obviously meant for another, but still. Moving on... Jiminy H. Cricket just look at this entire fit !!! Armor-rep/shield-boost-stabbed-light-weps with not enough drones to hurt a NPC cruiser and he had to put a web and scram on this ?!?! Can somebody pass me the X-acto so I can gouge out my eyes plz? Seriously, I have no clue what this guy was trying or why he was even flying what should be such a nice ship but instead was fitted with..... THIS! Oh well, such is EVE :))

Randunip, you sir need to be rewarded for ridding the New Eden cluster of... whatever you call this. Because they were one of the rare things that could've been useful in W-space, you will receive 350,000 ISK for the Combat Scan Probes which were located in the cargo hold.

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/10/12

Ah yes! I am now back home and no longer have to deal with a stupid Nazi firewall and an even stupider IE7 browser (yes... IE7 FFS !!!) so I can finally post the thing that everybody loves to laugh at and/or feel physical pain from. That's right, it's Fail Mail time! This week's entry is kind of special because I received an evemail not too long after I posted a certain Chimera dying horribly to a frigate gang. Well guess what... apparently I had only one side of the story, which is fair. But the evemail contained a bit more than the "yeah, harrdy harr harr I got caught pants down, etc" for the sender was none other than the pilot of the Chimera. And Lo and Behold, he had a sweet sweet link of revenge to show me:

[Blackbird, Jharn Ru's Blackbird]
Signal Amplifier II
Power Diagnostic System I

Large C5-L Emergency Shield Overload I
Large F-S9 Regolith Shield Induction
ECM - Multispectral Jammer II
Medium Capacitor Booster I, Cap Booster 25
10MN Afterburner II
Invulnerability Field II

'Arbalest' Standard Missile Launcher, Sabretooth Light Missile
Prototype Cloaking Device I
Medium 'Vehemence' I Shockwave Charge
[empty high slot]

Medium Core Defence Field Extender I
Medium Anti-EM Screen Reinforcer I
Medium Particle Dispersion Augmentor I


http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=14157866

Excuse my bad french but TA-BAR-NAK !!! What we have here is a prototype Caldari Navy ship tentatively called the Cloaky-Shield/Cap-Boosting-WTFBB. If you can think of a better name for this abomination please inform me. Let's see... let's do it from rigs on up. Usually a Blackbird-type ship (which are the Blackbird, Falcon and Rook if you didn't know) is used for one thing and one thing only: jamming. So obviously the rigs of choice would be a set of those particle thingamabobs, not a mix of jam and tank. Moving up to the low slots: fairly standard here. A signal amp, a PDS... but don't BB pilots usually plate up that thing? Moving on up... yeah, my eyes hurt too! Usually a Blackbird-type ship fits pretty much NOTHING BUT JAMMERS, unless your name is Unzer or Loofaro who are, and I've mentioned this before, Falcon artists. So this mix of active and passive tank, jams and afterburner will get you precisely nowhere fast. And finally the high slots... the only useful thing here is the cloak frankly. The smart bomb can maybe dent some light drones (T1 and badly skilled), and the overpriced frigate-sized missile launcher is frigate sized. Even with the benefit of All Level V skills, this ship's DPS is a hair above a quarter of a standard Rifter fit. I sincerely hope that this fit is not a standard Quantum Horizon fit because I just may have to ask for an ISK prize refund XD j/k.

So WarheadRex, consider your Chimera avenged! When I posted your carrier I awarded the killmail sender ISK for the cloaking device that could've saved you. Guess what... you'll be able to buy a new cloaking device because you will be receiving 1,499,990 ISK!

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/10/05

Sorry for not posting for a few days, but the reason is simple. Precisely nothing has happened to me in either EVE Online or any other game lately, plus I had a Dad Weekend, plus I enjoy doing other stuff while I'm on vacation. I wish it was riding my bike but today is the first day where I can actually consider doing it; it has been a very rainy time for the past week or so in Montreal, it's good to have a change. But hey, can't have a Wednesday without a good ol' Fail Mail, and now that I have a few in the bank it would be stupid of me not to post 'em.

This week's entry comes from Lytia Tranaki of Fission Inc. Not too long ago they were hunting targets in W-space and came across a Rattlesnake that thought it was a Scorpion, kinda like dogs that think there are human:

[Rattlesnake, calspard's Rattler]
True Sansha Power Diagnostic System
True Sansha Power Diagnostic System
True Sansha Power Diagnostic System
Multi Sensor Backup Array II
Multi Sensor Backup Array II
Damage Control II

Pith X-Type Shield Boost Amplifier
Vepas' Modified ECM Multispectral Jammer
Vepas' Modified ECM Multispectral Jammer
Vepas' Modified ECM Multispectral Jammer
Sensor Booster II
Invulnerability Field II
Gist B-Type Large Shield Booster

Corpus X-Type Heavy Nosferatu
Improved Cloaking Device II
'Arbalest' Cruise Launcher I, Wrath Cruise Missile
ZW-4100 Siege Missile Bay, Inferno Torpedo
Caldari Navy Heavy Missile Launcher, Scourge Heavy Missile
Caldari Navy Heavy Missile Launcher, Scourge Heavy Missile

Large Capacitor Control Circuit II
Large Capacitor Control Circuit I
Large Capacitor Control Circuit I


Hammerhead I x11
Light Shield Maintenance Bot I x5

http://coldfusion.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=10694179

Holy Mother Mary and Joseph! I see someone has been using daddy's credit card a bit too much! At close to 3 billion ISK this ship would buy the regular player quite a few months of play time, and quite a few nice toys to go pewpew with. OK, let's wipe off the blood from our eyes and let's analyse this... monstrosity. First of all, Mr calspard didn't go light on the rigs, but this being an active tank I'll sorta forgive him. But then he goes and does something weird: half of a complex module tank and half of an Officer jamming setup. Who the hell in his right mind buys Officer jammers?! Whatever man... but the high slots really take the cake. A Nosferatu that's the price of a Vagabond, 4 missile launchers in 3 different flavors, 2 of which are Faction AND the wrong size for the ship; are you having that much trouble hitting frigates son? And the drones.... this is a joke right? With a full flight of Hammerhead I's, and giving the ship the benefit of "All level V skills" on EFT, this ships dishes out a whopping 315 DPS, and tanks 400 something. In comparison, my mission Sleipnir which is about a sixth the price of this Rattler tanks only slightly less and has more than double the firepower, and yeah, 524 m/s speed instead of the fat BS's 29. Yep, the Fail was strong in this one!

Lytia Tranaki, you sir (ma'am?) are about to receive some ISK. To prove to calspard that Real Men Hull Tank™, and only wimps ISK tank, you will be receiving 815000 ISK, which is your killboard's indicated value for the Damage Control II.

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/09/28

Institutioned by Winterblink and Urban Mongral of the late Warp Drive Active podcast, carried on by Ga'len the Wandering Druid of Tranquility, it is now my duty to bring to you the one great source of laughter and/or tears of blood from the sheer pain applied to the optic nerves of anyone who gazes at them: The Fail Mail! To me they are one of the big reasons to keep playing even in these present dark times. You never know when you will come across a ship so badly fit that you could probably have killed it with a hard enough pod bump!

Ah yes, the Fail Mails are slowly starting to trickle in. I like this! This week's Fail Mail comes from ex corp and alliance mate Havegun Willtravel of Mobile Alcohol Processing Units. Some time in mid summer as I was taking my break from all things related to Internet Spaceships, Havegun was doing his solo thing in Decon, looking for something tasty to kill or to be killed by. It didn't take him very long and after while he landed on this:


[Cerberus, Zodin Zeldamiere's Cerberus]
Ballistic Control System II
Ballistic Control System II
Ballistic Control System II
Power Diagnostic System I

10MN Afterburner I
Small Capacitor Booster I, Cap Booster 25
Large Shield Extender I
Invulnerability Field I
Invulnerability Field I

Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I, Torrent Assault Missile
Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I, Torrent Assault Missile
Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I, Torrent Assault Missile
Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I, Torrent Assault Missile
Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I, Torrent Assault Missile
[empty high slot]


http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=13817241


Hrmmm.... OKAY! Here we have another case of "it doesn't mean that because you can get in the ship that you absolutely have to fly it". Apparently the character was so young that Havegun, being the good sport that he is, actually told him in Local "Dude, I wouldn't do this if I were you". But Zodin was feeling invincible in his brand spankin' new HAC so he charged Gun's FULLY MAXED OUT Vexor head on. Apparently the battle was very short and after seeing the T1 fit Havegun's prophecy was fulfilled. To all new players out there, THIS is exactly what not to do with your training. Before you field a ship, make sure you can fit it correctly. I mean, if you have to fit a small cap booster to support 2 Invuls and an AB, something is very very wrong with your cap skills. Lesson learned I hope!

Havegun Willtravel, you sir are on the receiving end of some ISK. Because it is the only module that's actually worth something to this ship, you will be receiving 799,999 ISK, this being the value of one of the Ballistic Control System II.

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/09/21

Institutioned by Winterblink and Urban Mongral of the late Warp Drive Active podcast, carried on by Ga'len the Wandering Druid of Tranquility, it is now my duty to bring to you the one great source of laughter and/or tears of blood from the sheer pain applied to the optic nerves of anyone who gazes at them: The Fail Mail! To me they are one of the big reasons to keep playing even in these present dark times. You never know when you will come across a ship so badly fit that you could probably have killed it with a hard enough pod bump!

After two weeks of posting my own fail mails from my BOZO past, guess what... I have finally received a Fail Mail! This week's mail was sent in by SuicidalPancake of Quantum Horizons. A bonus is that this is a capital ship killmail, and I've made no secrets of how much I hate capitals. The more dead capitals the better. Oh if anyone has a good supercap killmail, fail or not, please send it in so I can make fun of it XD So without further adieu, let take a look at this slow fat-assed piece of Caldari engineering (sorry Kirith!):

[Chimera, WarheadRex's Chimera]

Co-Processor II

Power Diagnostic System II

Power Diagnostic System II

Damage Control II

Capital Shield Booster I

Shield Boost Amplifier II

Invulnerability Field II

Invulnerability Field II

Caldari Navy Photon Scattering Field

Caldari Navy Heat Dissipation Field

Caldari Navy Ballistic Deflection Field

Drone Control Unit I

Drone Control Unit I

Drone Control Unit I

Capital Shield Transporter I

Prototype Cloaking Device I

Large Capacitor Control Circuit I

Large Capacitor Control Circuit I

Large Capacitor Control Circuit I

Hammerhead II x10

Hammerhead II x20

Warrior II x9

Heavy Shield Maintenance Bot I x30

Templar x8

Firbolg x7

Heavy Armor Maintenance Bot I x30

Garde II x30

Ogre II x45

Praetor EV-900 x30

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=14198442

First of all, I'm not going to analyse the actual fit of this thing; if you want to ask someone about various Chimera fits and how one would fail, ask Kirith Kodachi :) The fail in this Chimera's death lies somewhere else. You see, this carrier was killed in a system called SG-75T. This system is a really bad place for a solo carrier to fly in for two reasons: 1- there are no stations, and 2- there are no POSes. So getting safe in the event of blobbage, not that great. Another reason for fail is the apparent cloaking device malfunction. I mean, why fit a cloaker if you don't use it, right? But not only did he apparently not cloak, this Chimera got killed by what? 19 frigates and 2 interdictors. WOW! So my Columbo report on what happened that night in SG-75T: Mr Rex was happily killing anomalies after being cyno'd in by an alt, and because doing PvE in a faction-fit carrier is super easy Mr Rex decided to go grab a beer and watch a bit of TV while his fighters were tearing the Angels a new one. And suddenly a bunch of Fremen came in, decided to posture up to tame Shai-Hulud. With Mr Rex clearly away enjoying his beer, they turned Shai-Hulud into a billion tiny little crysknives !!!

SuicidalPancake, you sir are on the receiving end of some ISK. Because it is the one module that could have made this kill a non-event, you will be receiving 1,259,510 ISK, this being the value of the Prototype Cloaking Device I.

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/09/14

Institutioned by Winterblink and Urban Mongral of the late Warp Drive Active podcast, carried on by Ga'len the Wandering Druid of Tranquility, it is now my duty to bring to you the one great source of laughter and/or tears of blood from the sheer pain applied to the optic nerves of anyone who gazes at them: The Fail Mail! To me they are one of the big reasons to keep playing even in these present dark times. You never know when you will come across a ship so badly fit that you could probably have killed it with a hard enough pod bump!

This segment of my blog being still very new, I still haven't received any fail mails from players past or present. So once again I will delve into my past, in this case March 26th 2008 when I had just graduated from Clown College and had been accepted as a full-on BOZO. We had just become Blue to a corp which had been Red to us for a while, namely Appetite 4 Destruction, and we had started doing roams together. And those roams were some of the best times I've had in EVE, especially when coming across something like this, the Cloaky-Nano-Stabbed-Armor-Repping-Zero-Propulsion Armageddon:

 
[Armageddon, Trail Steven's Armageddon]
Overdrive Injector System II
Damage Control II
Nanofiber Internal Structure II
Nanofiber Internal Structure II
Large Armor Repairer II
Warp Core Stabilizer I
Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II
Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II

Cap Recharger I
Fleeting Warp Disruptor I
Fleeting Propulsion Inhibitor I

Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Improved Cloaking Device II

[empty rig slot]
[empty rig slot]
[empty rig slot]

Hammerhead II x10

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=4343521

One would think that someone who can fit so many T2 modules would know better than to fail so much at fitting a battleship, But EVE is full of odd people doing odd things. Let's analyze this thing a bit. I get the cloaky part; this is obviously a ratting boat living on the border of Catch and Curse. Not exactly the safest place to rat mind you, but I've done worse. The nano, this is where things go South; it may help the battleship be a bit more nimble but only just, and at the price of structure. Now the warp core stabilizer... *sigh* this module examplifies the word "fail" in my book because it rarely does what it is intended to do, and of top of that it messes up targetting, kind of like if a sniper had a beer bottle in front of his scope. The Large Armor Repairer II isn't a bad modul in itself, but in a laser boat that seems to be lacking in capacitor regeneration, not so sure. And finally, who needs a propulsion module anyway? I noticed that the drones died with the ship but I don't remember if we caught this guy AFK or if we killed him so fast he forgot he had 'em. I'll forgive him his lack of rigs because back then there were no such thing as sized rigs and their price was immensely prohibitive. Remember Polycarbs and Trimarks at over 60 million? Man that time sucked for rigs!

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/09/07

Institutioned by Winterblink and Urban Mongral of the late Warp Drive Active podcast, carried on by Ga'len the Wandering Druid of Tranquility, it is now my duty to bring to you the one great source of laughter and/or tears of blood from the sheer pain applied to the optic nerves of anyone who gazes at them: The Fail Mail! To me they are one of the big reasons to keep playing even in these present dark times. You never know when you will come across a ship so badly fit that you could probably have killed it with a hard enough pod bump!

Because It hasn't even been a week since I've announced that I would be doing this and haven't yet received killmail links, as promised here is an example of pure Fail I once met in the Mya system where I was expecting to fight some Basgerin Pirates, but instead landed on top of this:

[Vexor, Arbai's Vexor]
Expanded Cargohold I
Expanded Cargohold I
Quantum Co-Processor I
[empty low slot]


1MN MicroWarpdrive I
ML-3 Amphilotite Mining Probe
[empty med slot]


Miner II
Miner II
Miner II
Miner II
[empty high slot]


Mining Drone I x5

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=12023996

OK, where to start with this one... we have one of the less bad Gallente PvP ships fitted up for mining. This alone tickles my neurons! At least there was an intention of serious mining as the T2 modules attest. Isn't the Exequror a better choice for mining for a young Gallente pilot? Someone industrially minded (ie: Letrange) would know, but this brings me to my next point: the complete lack of any kind of tank. I killed this thing with a Rifter and I will readily admit that some T1 frigates have given me more of a challenge going through their tank. So I suspect that on top of not having any tank modules fitted, the character didn't have much in the way of tank skills... was too important training those Miner II's maybe! My memory failed me with the number of drones but he DID throw a whopping three Warrior I's at me. They're not on the killmail though because they were out in space in a vain attempt to hurt my Rifter. And then there's the MicroWarpdrive... oh damn how did I forget the ONE MEGA-NEWTON module ?!?! The fact that there were so few drones in a ship that gives awesome bonuses to them means only one thing: the pilot wasn't ready for a Vexor. But the last bit, the clincher of The Fail: what in the name of Ronnie James Dio was this ship hoping to achieve in Belt One of a three belt Low-sec system ?!?! I guess he was lucky it was I who turned this vague semblance of a cruiser into space dust; the Basgerins would probably have either ransomed or podded its pilot on top of it!

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7

Edit: now that I'm out of the Reich, here's the actual fit and the link to BattleClinic, because the old AMC killboard has since died.

Friday's Electric Lunch Hour - 2011/09/02

How better to start the first weekend in the blog pack with something truly epic. Here's Ronnie James Dio at his very best.

On the EVE front: things are coming together for the Montreal crew. There is even talk of a corporation being born. Of course we may have to play some really sweet Stradivarius (or some really loud Gibson Explorer) to coax some guys into resubbing and being part of our weasel-like cunning plan, and maybe add a few beer bribes! In any case, our plan sounds fun so here's to hoping it comes to fruitition.

Another thing I've been thinking about... ever since Ga'len, the Wandering Druid of Tranquility, has put tarps on his fine Amarr ships, we have basically been without the educational service called Fail Mail Friday. Well, my Fridays are sort of taken (for example by Black Sabbath here) but there are plenty of days left in the week. Therefore, I would dearly like to reinstate the posting and commenting on that thing which makes eyes bleed in sheer pain, The Fail Mail! The principle will be quite simple because it will be the same as it has been ever since the Fail Mails came to fame in the days of the Warp Drive Active podcast, and then on Ga'len's blog. If you have a funny/stupid/mental/painful killmail you would like to share, please send me the killboard link via evemail to Cozmik R5 (yes it's a FIVE, not an "S"), or by normal e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com . I will of course be paying out ISK to whoever gets his killmail posted on the blog. It will be the market value of a random mod fitted on the ship, but do not expect to be paid billions for Officer mods! So, sounds like a plan? I'll make Wednesdays my Fail Mail day because to me, Wednesdays are always full of fail. So maybe I can break the curse this way :)) I'll find one of my own doozies to start the festivities.

Fly dangerous, but not in Rocket Drakes or Omni-Repping Hurricanes !!!

o7