Wednesdays of Fail - 2011/09/14

Institutioned by Winterblink and Urban Mongral of the late Warp Drive Active podcast, carried on by Ga'len the Wandering Druid of Tranquility, it is now my duty to bring to you the one great source of laughter and/or tears of blood from the sheer pain applied to the optic nerves of anyone who gazes at them: The Fail Mail! To me they are one of the big reasons to keep playing even in these present dark times. You never know when you will come across a ship so badly fit that you could probably have killed it with a hard enough pod bump!

This segment of my blog being still very new, I still haven't received any fail mails from players past or present. So once again I will delve into my past, in this case March 26th 2008 when I had just graduated from Clown College and had been accepted as a full-on BOZO. We had just become Blue to a corp which had been Red to us for a while, namely Appetite 4 Destruction, and we had started doing roams together. And those roams were some of the best times I've had in EVE, especially when coming across something like this, the Cloaky-Nano-Stabbed-Armor-Repping-Zero-Propulsion Armageddon:

 
[Armageddon, Trail Steven's Armageddon]
Overdrive Injector System II
Damage Control II
Nanofiber Internal Structure II
Nanofiber Internal Structure II
Large Armor Repairer II
Warp Core Stabilizer I
Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II
Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II

Cap Recharger I
Fleeting Warp Disruptor I
Fleeting Propulsion Inhibitor I

Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Mega Modulated Pulse Energy Beam I, Multifrequency L
Improved Cloaking Device II

[empty rig slot]
[empty rig slot]
[empty rig slot]

Hammerhead II x10

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=4343521

One would think that someone who can fit so many T2 modules would know better than to fail so much at fitting a battleship, But EVE is full of odd people doing odd things. Let's analyze this thing a bit. I get the cloaky part; this is obviously a ratting boat living on the border of Catch and Curse. Not exactly the safest place to rat mind you, but I've done worse. The nano, this is where things go South; it may help the battleship be a bit more nimble but only just, and at the price of structure. Now the warp core stabilizer... *sigh* this module examplifies the word "fail" in my book because it rarely does what it is intended to do, and of top of that it messes up targetting, kind of like if a sniper had a beer bottle in front of his scope. The Large Armor Repairer II isn't a bad modul in itself, but in a laser boat that seems to be lacking in capacitor regeneration, not so sure. And finally, who needs a propulsion module anyway? I noticed that the drones died with the ship but I don't remember if we caught this guy AFK or if we killed him so fast he forgot he had 'em. I'll forgive him his lack of rigs because back then there were no such thing as sized rigs and their price was immensely prohibitive. Remember Polycarbs and Trimarks at over 60 million? Man that time sucked for rigs!

Do you have a funny killmail you would like to share with the community? If so, please evemail the killboard or BattleClinic link to Cozmik R5 in-game, or send it via regular e-mail at r3dfiv3@hotmail.com

Just as WDA and Ga'len have done in the past, the sender of a killmail that has been posted on the blog will receive a small ISK prize, the value of a random module fitted on the ship; dream on if you think I'll pay for Faction, Complex or Officer mods!

Keep your eyes open for Fail, and rid New Eden of these atrocities!

o7